About Me

A couple of years ago, I found my autistic child locked in a small cold cement cell at his school. The cell had no windows, no furniture, and was slate gray with low lighting. The cell was also sound proofed so parents and teachers outside wouldn’t hear him crying. I am writing this blog as a campaign to change the way these children are perceived and treated in our society.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


After today, after I had to rush to school to help my child, I find myself on the verge of tears.  It has been a few hours ... but I still want to cry.

Most days, I am good ... I am not really the crying type.  But today, I just feel overwhelmed.  The teacher sent me an email asking me my thoughts ... I am so glad that I hit delete and didn't tell her what I was really thinking.  About how, even though it was a different school that locked him in a cell, I cannot help but blame them, all of them.  They work for the school district, they know what goes on ...  And I just get so frustrated with them when they act so surprised that he becomes emotional so easily ... of course he is stressed out at school, who wouldn't be if they went through what he did? 

I want to cry because I want to tell them what I really feel, but I hold it in because I know it won't be productive, I will just alienate them ... but my son is under so much stress ... and I don't know what to do.  So I just want to cry, because it seems like all the professionals that I go to, all of the help that I have searched for, it just seems like none of it works, none of the diets, none of the treatments ... I feel like not only do I not know what to do, but that nobody does.  Today is a bad day, most days aren't like this ... but right now, I just want to curl up on my bed and sob.

Do parent's of autistic children cry more, I wonder? 


  1. Just holding space for you to vent, cry, scream, curl up in a ball, whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Hopeless days suck. The miracle is that, if we stay open to them, the hopeful days return. Wishing you hopeful days ahead ... and SOON!
    ~Michelle (ICLW #40)

  2. Here from ICLW - This too shall pass.. We all go through peaks and valleys. Hang on. Know that we're here supporting you and always here to listen. Take care of yourself. Sending prayers and best wishes.

  3. Hello, visiting from ICLW. I'm also a fellow mother of an autistic child.

    If you need to cry, there is no shame in that at all. It sounds like you and your son have been through a terrible amount of trauma.

    And yes, it seems some parents of autistic children do cry more ... suppose there are some who don't, but many of the ones I've met are more emotionally expressive now that they have an extra special child. We have a lot of pressure from a lot of angles, it's not always easy.

    Hang in there, and big hugs for you.


  4. Thank you for your well wishes ... today is a better day. Still worried, of course, but more confident that some how, my son and I will make it through this too.

  5. Big hugs for you. I don't cry, ever, I haven't cried since my son was diagnosed over a year ago. Probably not a good thing but I don't have the time and like you I wonder what good it would do (what you were saying about telling the school how you really feel). I hope you feel a bit better today but why not just shout it all out at us? That is what we are here for and it might help. Jen (returning your ICLW visit, thank you)

  6. There isn't an email address in your profile, any chance you could email me? I am following you so if you click over on the eye icon on the right you will get my email address there (don't want to put it up in case of harvesters). Jen

  7. Oh - I just want to hug you!! I'm sure parents of autistic kids do cry more often and my heart goes out to you. I was unaware of the terrible difficulties you have with schooling in particular and all I can say is that I am sending you some cyberlove and hope that they days will improve for you and your child.
    All kids are so unique,special and precious - please know that other parents understand and empathise even if the school doesn't.
    Big hugs to you, Mon

  8. I think we cry more, but that depends on the type of individual you are. I need to cry and let it out, it helps me. My heart goes out to you, and my hugs. I am new to your blog, my son was just diagnosed this spring.

  9. I know this is an old post, but I have only just come across your blog!

    I'm not one to cry easily, but ever since we started going down this road with my son, aged 5, I find I cry more. Especially when we've had a few rough days, and he's been terribly upset, then I find I just climb into the shower and have a good cry. Sometimes you just feel helpless, and other times you know that he is battling, and as his mother there isn't much you can do, when you're the person who should be able to fix everything.
    And when that realisation hits, then yeah, I cry like a baby! You're not alone :)