#31 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category: General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #31:  Don’t ask them if they want to do something that you need them to do, there is a good chance that they will take you literally .

Often in the English language we say things that we don’t really mean.  When a parent asks their four year child “Would you like to go to the grocery store with me?” – they aren’t really asking the child to make a decision.  Most neuro typical children would pick up on this, and know that even if they said “not really” that they still would have to go with their Mother. 

Language like this can be confusing to an autistic child.  If you ask them if they want to do something that you need to do, what are you going to do if they say no? 

a)      Try to convince them that they really do want to goà they may become frustrated that you are not listening to them when they say that they don’t want to.

b)      Force them to go anyway à they may think you are being cruel for forcing them to do something that they just told you they didn’t want to do.

A clearer thing to say might be “I need to go to the grocery store for dinner and I would like to leave now.  Do you want to leave now, or would you like ten more minutes to finish watching your cartoons?”

#30 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category: General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #30:  Many autistic children like facts and think very logically.  Present to them the rules you would like them to follow accompanied with the facts on why it is important to follow those rules.
This always works wonders with my son.  If he knows that something is a rule, he will want to follow it.  It is up to us to clearly communicate what the rules are.  Make them simple, easy to understand, and state them clearly without using hyperbole or exaggeration.

Also, I would recommend that they know what to do when they see someone else break a rule – that they come find an adult when one of the rules is not followed.  Their passion for the rules can be high, and if they see someone else break a rule, they may feel obliged to enforce it.  Give them an avenue to do so (coming to find the adult).

#29 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category:  General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #29:  Avoid power struggles.

This advice is a lot easier to say than it is to do.  But, there are ways to avoid power struggles with a child.  By finding ways to offer them a choice between activities and other methods, you can avoid putting yourself and them in a head to head contest of wills. 

This is just as much for your benefit as it is for theirs as, if you start trying to insist on a certain path with an autistic child, you may find that their determination can far outpace your own.  Avoiding the confrontational situations from the start is preferential as you don’t want them to start to think that you will back down.  You also don’t want to have to punish them and hold them down for screaming and thrashing because of something completely avoidable, like you wanted them to have the snack after the play ground break instead of the other way around.  If you aren’t careful and are too rigid, you might end up with those types of incidents.

I am going to come back to this blog and add some links on additional methods to avoid power struggles.  In the meantime, please offer your thoughts in the comment section below.

#28 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category:  General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #28:  A young autistic child will strongly associate their feelings about you with what you do with them and for them. 

We all do this to some degree, don’t we?  Both my sister and I love to plan things.  I believe that because of this, when they were little, my niece’s and nephew were always sooooo excited to see me!  And, why wouldn’t they be?  We always meet up with my sister at amusement parks, play grounds, swimming pools, pony rides, you name it!  Because of what we did together, it was easy to be the “fun” adult!
I believe that this connection between what you do with someone and how much you like them is even stronger for a young child with autism.   Please give me a moment, and I believe that I can explain why.  When you were a child, and your mother introduced you to someone she respected, you noticed how she treated that person, how she defered to that person.  Think of when she introduced you to your kindergarten teacher; you just knew that it was important for you to do what this teacher wanted.
Now, imagine that you are oblivious to social cues, and imagine the same meeting.  Imagine that you had no clue that your parent wanted you to respect this person, this teacher.  Now imagine that this person starts asking you to do this, to do that.  What has this person ever done for you?  Why should you stop playing to come inside, because they said so?  Why should you stop playing with these fascinating blocks and sit quietly and listen to the story?  Really, who does this person think they are?!?  I want to go home!!!

So, remember, there is always a connection between what you do with a person and what they think of you.  The younger the child is, and the less they understand social cues, and the less time that they have to know and respect you for other things, the more important it is going to be for you to establish a relationship with them through fun activities.

#26 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category:  General guidelines when dealing with autistic children
Suggestion #26 If it is a new experience, do not expect them to be verbally responsive. Try to eliminate all unnecessary questions during the experience. Ask the questions after.

This isn’t only true of new experience, but also any situation in which that requires their concentration.  When they are focused on something, it is difficult for them to process what you are saying.  So, before they go into a new situation, give them directions and ask them if they have any questions.  It will be hard for them to ask once the activity has been started.

#27 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category:  General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #27:  They are not motivated to try to please people that they have just met.  Trying to coax or talk them into something they do not want to do may frustrate them.

My son is very shy when meeting new people, he doesn’t want to look them in the eye or carry on a conversation with them.  This is also true when he meets new adults or care givers that are supposed to be in charge.  Immediately, many adults who are placed in charge of children start to give them directions, even before the child becomes familiar with them.  If the autistic child doesn’t know you, they don’t understand why they should do what you say.  They may find you asking them to do something that is distasteful to them, and they will wonder why they should, or even if they have to listen to you at all.

Think of it from their perspective, if you went into a place and someone you didn’t know started telling you to do something that you didn’t want to, wouldn’t you be irritated?

In other words, try to make the first couple of times that you are in charge of the child as fun as possible, focus on what it is that they like to do.  Have the mother, or a care giver that they are familiar with, let them know the rules and tell them about the less preferred activities.

#25 101 Ways a Teacher Could Help a Child with Autism

Category:  General guidelines when dealing with autistic children

Suggestion #25:  Role plays for them what is going to happen before they go into a new situation.

I find that my son has a very difficult time asking questions once he becomes agitated or upset.  Therefore, role playing helps him tremendously.  He is able to communicate any questions that he might have at time when he isn’t upset or over stimulated.